i guess i really am cynical...

• because i no longer listen to love songs because boys don’t talk like that…unless they want something…which just means its all lies
• because i’d rather watch an action movie than a rom-com because things getting blown up is more realistic than the kind of lies those romantic moves spew
• because i’d rather read stephen king than twilight because in reality, love hurts like no other and your true love will more likely be burned at the stake than be a vampire who would wouldn’t eat you because he loves you too much and who would abstain from sex because he wants to protect your virtue 

that isn’t real life.

at all. 

i’m sick of being dumb and wishing it was. 

because that will never ever happen for me. 

and if i ever think it does.

it turns out to be lies. 

always.

sooo weeeeeee.

i’m a cynic. 

recently

the whole “your going to be forever alone” has been preying on my mind.

which is retarded, because i’m 17…

but see,

it’s cuz this one stupid jerk has been like all over my life in the past week or whatev.

and i feel like jerks like him are the only guys who are ever interested in me.

and the only guys who will be.

and they don’t make the cut in my book.

so sometimes i feel like…i might need to lower the bar.

because if not…

but...it's whatev

sometimes when i’m sad i wish i weren’t me.

and then i get over it. :D

is it bad...?

that i’m really pissed that i did like NOTHING at powderpuff practice tonight?

like, i’m just annoyed that for once in my life i want to be a part of something like this and actually want to (OH MY GOODNESS I CAN’T BELIEVE IT…DRUMROLL PLEEEASSEEEE) be athletic, and no one really cares. hey, i actually can catch the stupid ball. and i’m fast too, when i’m actually trying. but…i just get overlooked. 

like in everything.

my freaking LIFE is the “picked last” stereotype.

which really sucks. 

i don’t know. is it me? is it my fault that i can be so shy? i mean, i’m really trying to work on that. but part of that shyness is the fact that for so many years i’ve felt like i’m irrelevant to people, soooo…i don’t bother them. and i’m not sure how to come out of my shell without being annoying? because….i hate being shy. no, i mean, i really do. because, if you’ve ever hung out with me…and i mean like really hung out with me…i’m crazy. and not in like a weird annoying way. but i mean. i know people like to hang out with me when they give me the chance. but that’s the thing. people rarely give me the chance. 

so i don’t know what to do. i’m not sure where the middle ground is. 

i’m sick of being shy. i’m sick of being overlooked. i’m so so so so so freaking sick of it. 

and now i sound whiney so i’m gonna shut up…

wow….this was only supposed to be me complaining about how i really wanna play football…

Titanic = Fail

So I just watched Titanic for the first time. I didn't even see all of it. I started at the part where the ship JUST started sinking. You know, when Jack is handcuffed to that pole for whatever reason...whatever, that's where I began. But I watched it until the end. And I must say, I have some complaints about both the movie and what I infer to be what happened in legit life and all.

1. Rose's fiance guy had really bad hair. and some serious guy liner. i think he may be related to adam lambert or something. well, the guy liner part. addy has WAAAAY better hair than that guy. 
2. why were all those rich people so stupid and like, "oh, you silly peasants! The Titanic isn't going to sink! what? you're wondering why we're getting into these life boats then? oh, well we just thought we'd have a better view of the uhm....night...uhh....sky....from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy over there. where we won't sink....yeah...but don't WORRY! The Titanic is unsinkable! alright! ta-ta! have fun with the hypothermia! i mean...what?"
3. why was rose such a moron. and annoying. she kinda reminded me of christine from phantom. not as bipolar though, but she definitely conjured up the same nauseating obnoxiousness that christine embodies. 
4. so WHO IN THE WORLD, was the genius who designed the Titanic? i mean SERIOUSLY!!! not enough life boats? the thing can snap in half. a stupid ICE BURG can sink it!!! dude...a rubber ducky could fair better than that thing. 
5. the captain? ignoring all the ice burg warnings? i am so confused as to who contrived this disaster
6. i mean both the movie and real life...the Titanic was a horrendous blunder of human stupidity and pride. 
7. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I GET IT NOW!!!!!! a liberal must have come up with it!
8. ROSE YOU CRAZY MORON! how could you be so selfish?!?! was is THAT HARD to scoot over on that HUGE door or whatever it was? jack totes could have fit on there and then he wouldn't have DIED! i blame you rose. stop feeling sorry for yourself. you shoulda moved over and then he wouldn't have gotten hypothermia. and died. so no, i feel no sympathy for you at all.

uhmmmmm.....i think that's all my complaining i need to take care of...alright, rant done