...i think i need therapy...

His reptillian personality was not enough to keep me away. If his charm was snake like, it was still charm and I could not resist. I don't think I even had a choice. Maybe I did. Maybe now I am screaming inside for help. Maybe I am inwardly clawing at the ground as he drags me away. But if I am, I do not know it. I am enchanted by him. No, "enchanted" is not the word. That word is too lovely. This isn't love or beauty. Does he captivate me? No. I may be his captive but there is still too much good in that expression. I am gorgonized. Yes. That's it. I'm gorgonized. I'm paralyzed. And his eyes bore into me. The rope twists in his hands. He smiles. He's going to enjoy this. It's obvious in his grin. But he is too hypnotizing to allow me to sense real terror. He knows this too. It works to his advantage. He must be proud. I'm too enthralled (no, still to positive) by him to be scared. He'll get away with this. I won't scream. I won't cry. I won't plead. I will only die. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe he really is insane like he told me when we met. That sick grin on his face may just be conformation of the latter. But he was mine for so long. No. No, he wasn't mine. I was his. I was his and I'm alright with that. I thought I was happy. I know I wasn't. But as long as he's happy I can pretend I'm content. I really trick myself into believing I am. Really I do. Like now. As he leans forward and I feel the rope around my neck, he looks so pleased. So happy. So ecstatic. Why would I want to ruin this for him by screaming? Not that I could if I wanted to. Because now, I can't breathe.